Archive for the this probably explains a lot Category

I have the attention span of a gnat.

Posted in other crap, probably more than you needed to know, senseless ranting, this probably explains a lot, video games with tags , , , on March 20, 2009 by DSC

I’m assuming that gnat’s don’t have much of an attention span. It doesn’t seem like they would; I mean, they’re all tiny and flit around a lot. Not exactly conducive to concentration, y’know.

Anyway, as a result of having no notable attention span, there are some things that I am just not a fan of. Books more than a couple hundred pages, eleventy billion hour video games,  movies longer than an hour-fourty, and SONGS LONGER THAN 5 MINUTES.

I can give a little leway on the books, because they can be put down and picked up much later, and movies, too, can be paused, which is never a problem for me because oddly enough everyone tends to think the movies I like are boring as hell, so no one will watch them with me. Video games can also be put down, but there’s always issues with reremebering what buttons do what and getting your muscle memory back for a bit after you first re-pick it up, and the kind of games I like just tend to not be eleventy billion hours long. (As I belive I have mentioned, my favorite game is God of War, and it is not unreasonable to sit down one weekend and expect to get through a play-though of it by Monday.(And if you do decide to run out and rent it (or buy it, it’s probably like $20 new by now) this weekend on my recomendation, I’m just gonna say that circle circle triange is your best friend in the world.)). But SONGS. SONGS cannot be paused without messing up the flow. And there is NEVER any reason for them to be over 5 minutes. Hell, much over 4 is REALLY pushing it.

My local radio station, which is a very good rock station that I generally love very much, sometimes gets a mad-on for playing one particular Pantera song. Now, it should be noted that I’m not really a Pantera fan. They’re just not my thing. This does not mean they’re bad, if fact, this probably means that they’re good, because I have an aversion to good music and only listen to absolute shit. (I could expand upon my music philosophy, but that is a whole ‘nother blog post worth of material, and I’m just stating this because I know there’s people out there that would gut me if I talked shit about Dimebag Darrell). But I do hate the song Cemetery Gates. I have a lot of beef with that song, but my main one is that it is apparently 7 minutes long. SEVEN FUCKING MINUTES LONG. And it FEELS like no less than 15.

Now, I have nothing against you if you are a crazy who listens to twenty minute songs. I just think they are hella unnessicary and they annoy the shit out of me when played on the radio.

This entry brough to you by still being awake 3AM, Squirt Citrus Power, and forgetting the point (which may be attributed to the gnat attention span thing). Tune in next time when I may actually be coherent!


Dollar Store M&Ms

Posted in crap I bought, this probably explains a lot with tags on March 14, 2009 by DSC

In the great area of the US where I happen to live there are stores known as Dollar Stores, where most things in the store are available for, well, $1. They are possibly the most awesome places ever because you can walk in with a $20 bill, buy 10 sponges, dish liquid, a 2-liter bottle of  pop, a thing to keep the hair out of the bathtub drain, some candy, chips, a wrist support deally, a teeny-tiny Dr. Doom action figure, and some Fantastic Bubblastic Plastic, and walk out with some cash still in your pocket.

The places are usually filled with off-brand stuff, which is why stuff is so cheap. Any name brand stuff is and probably should be met with suspicion.

Well, my mother has returned from the dollar store and presented me with a marshmallow bunny thing (giant off-brand peep), a hollow chocolate bunny (Palmer brand, but Palmer chocolate candy tastes like ass when you pay full price, so there really can’t be anything all that more wrong with it), and some M&Ms.

They appear to be normal, name brand M&Ms chocolate candies. The peanut kind, because they kick the ass of the lame regular ones. The crunchy ones that they probably don’t make anymore were even better though. Anyway, these normal M&Ms appear to have no more deformities than your average M&Ms. Seeing as they were bought at a dollar store, I am scared shitless to eat them.

I think I’m going to eat the Peeps that have been under my bed for a year and see if I still want M&Ms after that…

Woo! Content! As I have linked this blog a few places and might, y’know, get some readers, you can probably expect more of it. Maybe. And yes, I do infact have year old Peeps under my bed, the purple chick kind, all in their plastic wrapped box,  wrapped in another bag. But I probably won’t really eat them tonight. I think that the candy I stuffed in my purse when a teachered offered everyone as much candy as they wanted because she didn’t want to keep it all over spring break should do.

WTF Google, WTF?

Posted in senseless ranting, this probably explains a lot with tags , , , on January 11, 2009 by DSC

Y’know that little icon that appears next to the page title in your bookmarks and the URL in the address bar? Apparently that thing is called a favicon. Who knew?

Anyway, Google changed theirs. They changed it to this ugly monstrosity:

Ugly monstrosity of a flavicon that makes me hate Google more.

Look at that! Look at that thing! What is wrong with it? How do I make it go away? What possessed Google to do such a thing ? WHYYYYY?!?!?!?!?

People who are not me tend to like Google. I think they may be both God and Satan (I also think that about Microsoft. I guess I’m a polytheist), and I’m leaning a bit towards Satan. I mean, there’s a reason I’m not using Blogger. (That reason being I’m not terribly fond of Google as a whole, even though I did quite like the easy coustomization when I briefly used it for something else once).

I already quit using GMail some time ago because it sucks (I can’t find anything when I tag it. I’m a boring file system sort of person, and I fit better with every other web mail system ever designed), and don’t click ads (if something has to advertize to me, I probably don’t want it, and if I do, I’ll try to find an alternitive to it that didn’t annoy me by being an advertizement), but now, until the fugly monstrosity of a favicon meets its demise, I’m not using Google.

Hello again,, old friend. I have hopes you will be as good to me now as you once were.

And you thought OmiChao was annoying (Or 20 minutes of playing Sonic Unleashed)

Posted in let me show you my obsession, this probably explains a lot, video games with tags , , on January 7, 2009 by DSC

Let me preface this review thing with some general background about me:

I was practically born with a controler in my hand, and the first game I remember playing is Sonic the Hedgehog 2 for Sega Genesis. Sonic 2 is probably my favorite game ever, followed fairly closely by Sonic Adventure. If it is a Sonic game on a console that isn’t the Wii (which I will never play for various reasons that I may explain at a later date), I’ve probably played it (though possibly ported onto another system).

I go into every new Sonic game WANTING to love it. As any fan of the Sonic series will tell you, the recent games have been… disapointing, to say the least. 2006’s Sonic the Hedgehog was a festering pile of shit, my least favorite game ever, and I’ve never actually finished the first level. It was even worse than Sonic Heroes, which was pretty goddamn shitty.

There’s a lot to be said about the Sonic games and their progression. I could go on for a really long time about it, but I think it is summarized quite well in the Zero Punctuation Sonic Unleashed review. That vid actually pretty much sums up what I thought of the game myself (I don’t think it tainted my thoughts, as I bought the game anyway after veiwing it, wanting to love it after playing the demo), and I wanted an excuse to link people (there are people reading this, right?) to it, as I was linked to it myself just a few days ago, watched them all and thought they were briliant.

Even though that vid pretty much explains my thoughts, I’m going to write my thoughts down anyway. Continue reading

I want to have ShamWOW! Guy’s babies.

Posted in less than three, let me show you my obsession, this probably explains a lot with tags , , , on January 4, 2009 by DSC

Everyone and their mother has seen the commercial for ShamWOW! (and if you haven’t you are slow, and I take pitty on you. Watch it now! (vid will open in a new window)), which quite frankly sounds a bit more SHAM than WOW!, but I don’t own one, so what do I know?

Anyway, the commercial, although annoyingly long, is FUCKING AWESOME. No correction, the commercial is just annoyingly long and standard wonder-product  fare; the GUY is FUCKING AWESOME!

The sheer enthusiasm exuded by ShamWOW! guy, well, it doesn’t quite make me want to buy as ShamWOW!, but I’m some sort of miserly freak that tends to round up and add one to a price, and has a spending limit of $20 for pretty much anything that one could ever expect to find for $20, and will have an internal debate for an hour to decide if what I want for over $20 is really worth having for anything that you couldn’t, but I’m sure it made normal people want to buy ShamWOW!s out the ass.

And the HEADSET. I love that headset.  Whenever I see the ShamWOW! commercial, I’m all, “WTF? Why does he need a headset? WTF is up with that? I mean seriously?” and LOL heartily. I think I want to have that headset’s babies more than the guy’s.

That’s not all, folks! In addition to the fabulous ShamWOW! commercial, ShamWOW! Guy has done another wonder-product commercial for the SlapChop!

Go ahead, click that link and watch the awesome; I’ll wait. … Was that not kick ass?!? It was and you know it. Anyone who says otherwise is clearly a lying lier who lies a lot.

Much like the ShamWOW! commercial, it was annoyingly long and standard wonder-product fare, but ShamWOW! Guy and his enthusiasm are back with a vengeance. And some nice double entendres. And that headset. I really love that headset.

Also,  that over the shoulder throw into the sink was BAD ASS.

ShamWOW! Guy needs to become the next Billy Mays. I want full half-hour infomercials that will be played at ungodly hours of the morning and whenever there’s nothing good to watch on sleepy Sunday afternoons for years to come starring this guy. I want him to invent some sort of gadget and pimp it out Ron-fucking-Popeil style. I want to bear him children (not like, raise them or anything, ’cause I hate kids; or screw him to get into the condition required to have his children ’cause he’s creepy looking; but definitely pop out a couple to ensure his genes are spread). ShamWOW! Guy is just fucking awesome.

I ❤ ShamWOW! Guy.

For anyone who cares, ShamWOW! Guy’s name is apparently Vince Offer, and after reading the wiki article, I’m thinking he’s more slightly batshit insane than he comes across (which is saying something).

Also, I feel I should  probably link to the ShamWOW! and SlapChop sites after I have mentioned them so much (Well, I only mentioned SlapChop once, but “ShamWOW!” appears in the post 15 times and there’s only 510ish words in the whole thing) although I’m not affiliated with them in any way.

Of Dinos and Chairs

Posted in of dinosaurs and chairs, pretentious shit, probably more than you needed to know, this probably explains a lot on January 3, 2009 by DSC

You’re probably wondering what sort of content a blog has with a name like “Dinosaurs Sexing Chairs” contains. Well, I can’t tell you that because I’m not even sure of that myself. I’m guessing it’ll be a random collection of shit I personally find interesting at the moment spewed forth for public view. Links, reviews of random stuff, my occasional shitty attempts at web comics,  stuff like that, likely with my usual sprinkling of vulgarities and choppy sentence structure.

Although I can’t tell you the content, I can tell you the origins of the… unique… name.

Some time ago, I was watching late night television. A comedian whose name I can no longer remember made a joke about porn site popups and how horrible it would be if you were found dead infront of your computer after getting caught up in a pornado and the website on the screen was something really freaky, like dinosaurs having sex with chairs. The mental image of a dinosaur fucking dining room chair that formed in my mind stuck with me, and as I discovered the internet all it became a personal symbol for all that is good, and right, and wrong, and horrible, and wonderful about the internet.

I’d like this blog to contain bits of what is good, right, wrong, horible, and wonderful about the internet.

God, that sounded fucking pretentous.