Archive for January, 2009

Going all political on ya for just a sec

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on January 21, 2009 by DSC

Okay. Like every other blogger on the freaking internets, I’m gonna say something about the new President of the United States.

I really didn’t think we could do it. I did not think we were ready. Maybe someday, but not yet, I thought. But it seems we are. We did it.

Barack Hussein Obama is the new President of the United States.

Since a little after noon today, I’ve had AMERICA – FUCK YEAH! stuck in my head. It’s a good feeling. It’s a really good feeling.

I would, however, like to take this opportunity to inform everyone that OBAMA IS NOT JESUS CHRIST.

Seriously people, I know there’s some similarities. Both are well liked, have some pretty good ideas, are charismatic as fuck, and their respective fanclubs are both annoying the shit out of me.

Oh, and he isn’t the Anti-Christ either. See this Cracked article for more information.

I still don’t think that we’re all really ready. I give it 3 months before we have President Biden. But by god, I hope we all get to the end of March and I have to admit I’m wrong.

Today was a good day. It all feels different already. It feels good.

We will now return you to your regularly scheduled irreverent discussion of meaningless shit you don’t  care about. Tomorrow, after this moderate cries a bit and goes to bed just like she did on November 4th.

WTF Google, WTF?

Posted in senseless ranting, this probably explains a lot with tags , , , on January 11, 2009 by DSC

Y’know that little icon that appears next to the page title in your bookmarks and the URL in the address bar? Apparently that thing is called a favicon. Who knew?

Anyway, Google changed theirs. They changed it to this ugly monstrosity:

Ugly monstrosity of a flavicon that makes me hate Google more.

Look at that! Look at that thing! What is wrong with it? How do I make it go away? What possessed Google to do such a thing ? WHYYYYY?!?!?!?!?

People who are not me tend to like Google. I think they may be both God and Satan (I also think that about Microsoft. I guess I’m a polytheist), and I’m leaning a bit towards Satan. I mean, there’s a reason I’m not using Blogger. (That reason being I’m not terribly fond of Google as a whole, even though I did quite like the easy coustomization when I briefly used it for something else once).

I already quit using GMail some time ago because it sucks (I can’t find anything when I tag it. I’m a boring file system sort of person, and I fit better with every other web mail system ever designed), and don’t click ads (if something has to advertize to me, I probably don’t want it, and if I do, I’ll try to find an alternitive to it that didn’t annoy me by being an advertizement), but now, until the fugly monstrosity of a favicon meets its demise, I’m not using Google.

Hello again,, old friend. I have hopes you will be as good to me now as you once were.


Posted in less than three, other crap, reviews retrospectives and shit with tags , , , , on January 10, 2009 by DSC

I’m not gonna emo all over my shiny new blog, but I have to say that if pretty much everyone who isn’t me dropped dead right now, I wouldn’t be entirely saddened. It makes me think of a song by a sort of obscure band I like.

Quick related story: Once upon a time, I was flicking through channels on a Friday night/technically really early Saturday morning and I had finally bothered to pop up the nifty little guide thing. So I was just reading the title of shows until I saw something that looked like it didn’t suck ass when I saw a show called “Frisky Dingo”. Now, if you were just flicking through channels and saw that a show called “Frisky Dingo” was on, you’d turn it on just to find out what sort of weird ass show was titled Frisky Dingo, wouldn’t you? Well, even if you wouldn’t, I would and did and found out that Frisky Dingo is was (FUCK) a HILARIOUS cartoon on Cartoon Network’s [adult swim]. The theme song for a couple of the episodes was a great song, “Lightning Bolt” by Attractive Eighties Women. And that’s how I discovered Attractive Eighties Women.

(Sadness: In grabbing links for this entry, I’ve learned that the people who make Frisky Dingo have moved on and there will be no season 3 (and the spin off, The Xtacles has also been canceled. Sad boosh))

Anyway: Attractive Eighties Women is an awesome, very funny band and you should listen too it. I had a better shpeel, but then I wrote the story of how I discovered AeW and now I’m kinda sad. And the song I was referring to was “Gonna Throw a Party When You Die”. I’m also fond of “Master Cylinder” and “They Shoot Hipsters, Don’t They?”

My day/week was really kinda sucky, but this post was almost entirely to pimp AeW and Frisky Dingo (although I’m too fucking late for Frisky Dingo dammit. Sad-fucking-boosh). I just took the opening and ran with it.

Well, I still haven’t fallen through a glitched wall yet (Or more Sonic Unleashed)

Posted in senseless ranting, video games with tags , , , , on January 9, 2009 by DSC

I had a huge inner debate on what to call this entry, but “Well, I still haven’t fallen through a glitched wall yet” finally won out over “I can’t believe it’s not God of War!” , “Puzzles, and button press sequences, and crappy camera, oh my!”  “No, I am not fast enough to dodge this, you asshole”  and  “Can I kill the little fairy thing? I mean, you got to throw Omichao off a cliff in SA2…”


Continue reading

And you thought OmiChao was annoying (Or 20 minutes of playing Sonic Unleashed)

Posted in let me show you my obsession, this probably explains a lot, video games with tags , , on January 7, 2009 by DSC

Let me preface this review thing with some general background about me:

I was practically born with a controler in my hand, and the first game I remember playing is Sonic the Hedgehog 2 for Sega Genesis. Sonic 2 is probably my favorite game ever, followed fairly closely by Sonic Adventure. If it is a Sonic game on a console that isn’t the Wii (which I will never play for various reasons that I may explain at a later date), I’ve probably played it (though possibly ported onto another system).

I go into every new Sonic game WANTING to love it. As any fan of the Sonic series will tell you, the recent games have been… disapointing, to say the least. 2006’s Sonic the Hedgehog was a festering pile of shit, my least favorite game ever, and I’ve never actually finished the first level. It was even worse than Sonic Heroes, which was pretty goddamn shitty.

There’s a lot to be said about the Sonic games and their progression. I could go on for a really long time about it, but I think it is summarized quite well in the Zero Punctuation Sonic Unleashed review. That vid actually pretty much sums up what I thought of the game myself (I don’t think it tainted my thoughts, as I bought the game anyway after veiwing it, wanting to love it after playing the demo), and I wanted an excuse to link people (there are people reading this, right?) to it, as I was linked to it myself just a few days ago, watched them all and thought they were briliant.

Even though that vid pretty much explains my thoughts, I’m going to write my thoughts down anyway. Continue reading

Skiing is for pretentious douche bags.

Posted in senseless ranting with tags , , on January 7, 2009 by DSC

I went skiing. It was ASS.

Skiing always SEEMED like fun. As I have found out, it is not.

Skiing LOOKS cool, with the snazzy outfits and fastness and shit. In reality, it is hard and sucks ass.

There are lots of things more fun than skiing (like, pretty much anything), including many that can be done outside in the snow and infront of others. The only reason anyone would choose the horrible option of skiing is because “everyone else” thinks it is “cool”.

You know what doing things because “everyone else” thinks it’s “cool” tends to make you? A PRETENTIOUS DOUCHE BAG. If you “like” skiing, you probably own an ipod and read the Twilight books a day before you went to see the movie and do all sorts of other PRETENTIOUS DOUCHE BAG things!!

An apology to all the pretentious douche bags out there. I’m sure at least one of you are good people, and none of us are immune to copying your essence Even my love of electronic-y dance pop is not completely unironic (though I don’t own a fucking ipod and don’t read or watch movies about shitty vampires).

This post brought to you by seething rage and ankles/lower calves that are all fucked up to the point of being practically useless by wearing ski boots.

I want to have ShamWOW! Guy’s babies.

Posted in less than three, let me show you my obsession, this probably explains a lot with tags , , , on January 4, 2009 by DSC

Everyone and their mother has seen the commercial for ShamWOW! (and if you haven’t you are slow, and I take pitty on you. Watch it now! (vid will open in a new window)), which quite frankly sounds a bit more SHAM than WOW!, but I don’t own one, so what do I know?

Anyway, the commercial, although annoyingly long, is FUCKING AWESOME. No correction, the commercial is just annoyingly long and standard wonder-product  fare; the GUY is FUCKING AWESOME!

The sheer enthusiasm exuded by ShamWOW! guy, well, it doesn’t quite make me want to buy as ShamWOW!, but I’m some sort of miserly freak that tends to round up and add one to a price, and has a spending limit of $20 for pretty much anything that one could ever expect to find for $20, and will have an internal debate for an hour to decide if what I want for over $20 is really worth having for anything that you couldn’t, but I’m sure it made normal people want to buy ShamWOW!s out the ass.

And the HEADSET. I love that headset.  Whenever I see the ShamWOW! commercial, I’m all, “WTF? Why does he need a headset? WTF is up with that? I mean seriously?” and LOL heartily. I think I want to have that headset’s babies more than the guy’s.

That’s not all, folks! In addition to the fabulous ShamWOW! commercial, ShamWOW! Guy has done another wonder-product commercial for the SlapChop!

Go ahead, click that link and watch the awesome; I’ll wait. … Was that not kick ass?!? It was and you know it. Anyone who says otherwise is clearly a lying lier who lies a lot.

Much like the ShamWOW! commercial, it was annoyingly long and standard wonder-product fare, but ShamWOW! Guy and his enthusiasm are back with a vengeance. And some nice double entendres. And that headset. I really love that headset.

Also,  that over the shoulder throw into the sink was BAD ASS.

ShamWOW! Guy needs to become the next Billy Mays. I want full half-hour infomercials that will be played at ungodly hours of the morning and whenever there’s nothing good to watch on sleepy Sunday afternoons for years to come starring this guy. I want him to invent some sort of gadget and pimp it out Ron-fucking-Popeil style. I want to bear him children (not like, raise them or anything, ’cause I hate kids; or screw him to get into the condition required to have his children ’cause he’s creepy looking; but definitely pop out a couple to ensure his genes are spread). ShamWOW! Guy is just fucking awesome.

I ❤ ShamWOW! Guy.

For anyone who cares, ShamWOW! Guy’s name is apparently Vince Offer, and after reading the wiki article, I’m thinking he’s more slightly batshit insane than he comes across (which is saying something).

Also, I feel I should  probably link to the ShamWOW! and SlapChop sites after I have mentioned them so much (Well, I only mentioned SlapChop once, but “ShamWOW!” appears in the post 15 times and there’s only 510ish words in the whole thing) although I’m not affiliated with them in any way.

Of Dinos and Chairs

Posted in of dinosaurs and chairs, pretentious shit, probably more than you needed to know, this probably explains a lot on January 3, 2009 by DSC

You’re probably wondering what sort of content a blog has with a name like “Dinosaurs Sexing Chairs” contains. Well, I can’t tell you that because I’m not even sure of that myself. I’m guessing it’ll be a random collection of shit I personally find interesting at the moment spewed forth for public view. Links, reviews of random stuff, my occasional shitty attempts at web comics,  stuff like that, likely with my usual sprinkling of vulgarities and choppy sentence structure.

Although I can’t tell you the content, I can tell you the origins of the… unique… name.

Some time ago, I was watching late night television. A comedian whose name I can no longer remember made a joke about porn site popups and how horrible it would be if you were found dead infront of your computer after getting caught up in a pornado and the website on the screen was something really freaky, like dinosaurs having sex with chairs. The mental image of a dinosaur fucking dining room chair that formed in my mind stuck with me, and as I discovered the internet all it became a personal symbol for all that is good, and right, and wrong, and horrible, and wonderful about the internet.

I’d like this blog to contain bits of what is good, right, wrong, horible, and wonderful about the internet.

God, that sounded fucking pretentous.